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From Nefarious by Vivienne Plumb

The Alternative Plan

Plan A: leave town. Plan B: stay in town but move to another part where no one knows you. Plan C: stay in the old apartment in the old part of town. Plan D: stay in the old apartment and in the old job. Plan E: look for a flatmate. Plan F: look for a new job. Plan G: change apartments, within the same building. Plan H: stay in the old apartment in the same part of town, don't change your job and refuse to look for a flatmate. Plan I: go to Cuba (this plan requires an injection of money to activate it). Plan J: think of another plan. Plan K: get facial surgery (finance dependant). Plan L: dye your hair. Plan M: go out wearing a variety of hats. Plan N: stay indoors. Plan O: become a recluse. Plan P: become a recluse and stay in the same apartment and in the same part of town and in the same job. Plan Q: never say never. Plan R: this is something to do with running. Plan S: this must be swimming. Plan T: swimming every day and long walks in the weekend. Plan U: with your hair dyed. Plan V: and wearing a variety of hats. Plan W: become a recluse in the same apartment and in the same part of town but walk every Saturday in disguise and swim once a week (not in disguise). Plan X: change nothing. Plan Y: do not walk, run, or swim, but stay in the same mankey apartment in the same scodey part of town, flogging yourself in the same boring job, and dream of Cuba. Plan Z: begin your plan for next year.

The Cinematic Experience

In the movies men and women on bicycles in the spring always means sex. If he takes his hat off, he is either being polite, or he means to stay. If she takes her shoes off, it's either sex or a comedy. A cat will indicate a tedious story-line. Something is about to happen. Like a fish-bone caught in its throat. The appearance of a kitten is the same. But worse. The removal of clothes will indicate either sex or a hospital scene. Or possibly sex in a hospital. Hospitals are a big clue that someone will die, unless it is a comedy. A walk in the park is never that straightforward. Children are used in the script to hear voices, see ghosts, become lost, scream, or to tapdance. Babies ditto, but double all of the above.

©Vivienne Plumb























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